Upheld by My righteous, Omnipotent Hand.

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;

I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the following scripture from Isaiah sounds so similar to the third verse:

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (Isaiah 41:10)

Whoever the author was surely had inspiration from Isaiah. 

I have often heard the cliché’, two are better than one.  I just was made aware or at least re-aware that this “cliché” comes directly out of the King James Bible.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.  For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.  (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10)

Sometimes we think we are alone when we are not.  We let ourselves sink into a selfish swamp of loneliness.  A swamp created by ourselves, with no small coercion by the adversary. 

My mission president Daniel M. Jones, taught us about what he called the three D’s, Discouragement, Disobedience, and then Despair.  He used to tell us to be wary of either of the first two, because the third was right around the corner.  He also taught me that we choose them.  Sometimes that’s hard for me to believe, because when discouragement or disobedience comes up they almost feel as if I have no choice but to go there.  I forget until I am out of the mire that I put myself there.  And that there is a long string of seemingly innocent events that put me staring the three D’s right in the face.

Disclaimer: There is such a thing as clinical depression, that is a diagnosed chemical imbalance, I am not talking about clinical depression.

It is at these times I feel the loneliest.  Sometimes it’s easy to do.  It can only take a few of the dominoes to fall and the whole system crumbles to the ground. 

That’s where I found myself recently.  My employment was subpar and then non-existent and my opportunities seemed dim.  Because of my employment status our family finances were strained to their limits and beyond.

I did find an opportunity, but it took me away to upstate New York for 3 months.  Now I realize this is nothing compared to the service of our military men, or compared to missionary service, but for me my heart felt stripped of all support and strength.  I have close ties to my friends and family, and especially my wife, who doesn’t?  And I felt a deep anxiety and loneliness as I left home.

I am not asking the readers of this article to acknowledge or validate my separation anxiety.  My point is that it was there, and in a very poignant way this anxiety started to erode my already fragile morale.

One Saturday I decided to take a drive to Palmyra.  It was only about 2 hours from where I was staying in Rome, NY.  The following is from my journal from that day:

Today I went to Palmyra. My intention was to go to the sacred grove and the temple. I drove along I-90 until I arrived at Palmyra.  I then drove to the visitor’s center at the Hill Cumorah. I spoke with an Elder and Sister Malan who were from Ogden as well. They gave me a map of the area and were very helpful and friendly. I then drove to the temple I did not go up onto Hill Cumorah. But I soon found out I couldn't rent temple clothes.  And even though I knew there was still work I could do inside I drove to the Smith Home which also has access to the sacred grove.

The sacred grove was very much like I expected it.  The grounds are hallowed and the mood is kept quiet and reverent. The day had rained on and off and was mostly over- cast. I tried to take advantage of any light that came so I could get some pictures of the beautiful fall colors. The pictures I took I afraid would not capture the beauty of the actual experience. 

After wandering as far into the grove as I could and still be on the paths that have been built I made sure I was alone. I felt like I should take this time in this sacred place to repent of my shortcomings and ask for guidance and comfort during this time away from Christy, my Mom and family. I asked for help in several specific matters. And I felt like I was in a similar place as the celestial room at the temple.  It had almost the same feel and sacredness.    Yet as I remained there I felt my prayers were heard but I didn’t yet have a direct feeling that I had any answers or comfort.  It was only after I left and went about the rest of my day that I would be taught from the spirit.

After exiting the grove my intention was to get back on I-90 and return to Rome. However I realized I had additional time so I decided to go further into Palmyra and see where the Book of Mormon was published. I was greeted by Elder Nelson,. I told him I had about a half hour and he said he would take me on the "half hour" tour.  He took me personally through the building and showed me the process that went into the publication.  At the end of the tour we stood in a room which contained several artistic duplications of stories from the Book of Mormon. He then bore his testimony to me in such a sweet and kind way that the Book of Mormon was true, and that the stories that are contained within are Gods word.

My heart was full and I could barely contain my emotions as he challenged me to share with others the feelings I had experienced.   I was surprised how much his testimony affected me. My testimony was strengthened by his. I didn’t have much more time so I had to leave so I could make it to Stake Conference.

An Apostle, Elder David A. Bednar was speaking because they are reorganizing the Utica, NY Stake. Elder Bednar's was particularly touching to me. Especially when talking about our struggles in life. He referenced 1 Nephi Chapter seven.

But it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord, saying: O Lord, according to my faith which is in thee, wilt thou deliver me from the hands of my brethren; yea, even give me strength that I may burst these bands with which I am bound. (1 Nephi 7:17)

He said that elsewhere in the scriptures it tells us Christ will make our burdens light. But he often does that by strengthening us to be able to lift more.  It was a very spiritual meeting but I was the most moved when he changed the closing hymn from what was originally planned to "How Firm a Foundation" and told us to pay attention to all the verses and if we thought of the text in conjunction with his talk we would learn even more.

We started singing and I sang the bass part and all was fine until the third verse.  And I guess I have been feeling more alone than I realized because waves of emotion came streaming out of me I could no longer sing because of the tears.  My heart burst out of my chest and I just kept following along with the text as best as I could through my watery eyes. And with each verse my emotion seemed to grow deeper and richer.  The people around me must have been dumbfounded at what I was going through. 

From the peaceful feeling at the Sacred Grove, to the testimonies of three servants of God and the overwhelming testimony of the Spirit, I know I am not alone.  I have his constant guidance and direction and companionship.  And I learned something today. 

I am his Son.

And I hold that lesson to be one of the strongest witnesses I have yet received of the principle taught when we sing:

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.